Hi! You have reached Stephen Calender's personal webpage... well sort of. If you are being redirected to this page I am working on my site or you tried to access my webpage from a device that does not support Flash. You can always access my resume or check out my blog, there is also a simple projects page.

I apologize if you were inconvenienced, I really hope that you come back later. Not wanting to leave you completely empty handed for your troubles, I have something nice for you.

... Some jokes!

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
~Jack Handey

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice.
~Jack Handey

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
~George Carlin

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism -- to steal from many is research.
~Steven Wright

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
~Steven Wright

Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did that happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait 'til them calves are done so I can get me a hit of that stuff."
~Jerry Seinfeld