Hi! You have reached Stephen Calender's personal webpage... well sort of. If you are being redirected to this page I am working on my site or you tried to access my webpage from a device that does not support Flash. You can always access my resume or check out my blog, there is also a simple projects page.

I apologize if you were inconvenienced, I really hope that you come back later. Not wanting to leave you completely empty handed for your troubles, I have something nice for you.

... Some jokes!

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
~Jack Handey

If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas because that's what He's getting.
~Jack Handey

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might if they screamed all the time for no good reason.
~Jack Handey

Ever notice when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
~George Carlin

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
~Steven Wright

I saw this guy hitchhiking with a sign that said "Heaven." So I hit him.
~Steven Wright

What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.
~Jerry Seinfeld