Hi! You have reached Stephen Calender's personal webpage... well sort of. If you are being redirected to this page I am working on my site or you tried to access my webpage from a device that does not support Flash. You can always access my resume or check out my blog, there is also a simple projects page.

I apologize if you were inconvenienced, I really hope that you come back later. Not wanting to leave you completely empty handed for your troubles, I have something nice for you.

... Some jokes!

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
~Jack Handey

I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true, what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
~Jack Handey

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
~George Carlin

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.
~Steven Wright

Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
~Jerry Seinfeld