Hi! You have reached Stephen Calender's personal webpage... well sort of. If you are being redirected to this page I am working on my site or you tried to access my webpage from a device that does not support Flash. You can always access my resume or check out my blog, there is also a simple projects page.

I apologize if you were inconvenienced, I really hope that you come back later. Not wanting to leave you completely empty handed for your troubles, I have something nice for you.

... Some jokes!

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.
~Jack Handey

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
~Jack Handey

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
~Jack Handey

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
~George Carlin

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
~Steven Wright

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case.....coincidence?
~Steven Wright

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
~Jerry Seinfeld